To the full
It has been a very windy and cold day. I did not have the courage to take a walk or to drive to the swimming pool. Instead, I have stayed at home and worked on the lecture I will give next Wednesday. I think I have done a good job, but I can only answer for my written words, not for my speech. I hope not to make a fool of myself, not to be so overwhelmed that I become incapable of saying a single word. Anyway, I do not allow myself to think of it for more than a two or three minutes. I cannot waste either my time or my energy on unlikely predictions. So I have decided to work and stop fussing about with my thoughts and fears. There are plenty of things to look after and my strenght is not unlimited. I live here and now, and that it is enough to me, quite enough. I also try to live every hour to the full while my hand and my spirit find occupation. There is so much work to do that I have neglected my home. While I was taking a break in front of TV, I only saw a messy and dusty room. I am absorbed in a few projects and cleaning the house would mean to postpone them, to steal my vitality from them. Never felt so tired before. Never felt so happy either.