Christmas is a tough time and it usually takes me weeks to pull myself together. So, here I am dealing with pain, with coolness, with despise. I spent Christmas Eve at a friend’s house, an unexpected surprise. Her home was full of joy and love. I felt good and grateful. But today, while confronting my reality, I have collapsed. I have tried to read or to watch a film without success. I really hope this awful sensation goes away from me because I want to keep enjoying life no matter if my family loves me or not. I have learned to live without their company and support. Yet, when Christmas time comes, I always break down. I just want my own family so I do not become a love beggar at the end of December. It is unfair to live this way, I have not done anything to deserve this. However, this desolation visits me every single year. I still have hopes for savoring this beautiful season. I am too optimistic to throw myself onto despair. One day, there will not be either pain or tears, there will only be love, laughter and comfort. One day.