Always room

Sometimes a bunch of frustrations take you to the right place, where you should have always been. Sometimes reaching destiny means going through dreadful roads, the kind of reality you will never forget, the kind of experience you need to leave everything behind. Strength comes from weird sources, indeed. Lately, I have been facing one setback after another. If life decided to slap me, it could not have chosen a better way to do it. When I think I will not be able to stand it anymore, things get worse. I have nothing but my life, that’s all. Is that enough? It must be, it must be… I was trying to take a nap without success and I found myself laughing so hard that my stomach ached. While resting my eyes, I made up a very bizarre story and one of the characters was very extravagant. She was me, the wacky woman who talks to herself very seriously, the lost girl who finds herself in a place for no reason and often forgets simple things. Mind and body are extenuated and are hard to discipline; they behave like out-of-control children. In spite of pain and frustration, there is always room for hopes. So, I keep dreaming, making plans for the present and the future and building up my hopes. I just need a little more strength.

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2 Comments

  1. Melissa

    Nuria,
    In the space of struggle, you are not alone. I try to sleep & often end up laughing until I cry at some absurd thing (in the middle of the night) because mind & body so tired & stretched thin by chronic insomnia & physical illness. My heart & mind want & try to accomplish so much more than my body will comfortably allow most days. Patience with self is very difficult for me, as I imagine it is for you also. Still we must keep trying, & making adjustments as we go along. For instance, I am frustrated with not being able to play my violin for long before pain & fatigue force me to put it away. It has been my dream to start playing again. I played this instrument as a child, then lost my violin & could not get another for many years. Now, I must start at the beginning again, but the learning is not as quick as it used to be. My hands & body rebel. Even though I am not pleased that I cannot play well or much, nor for very long, the process is just a tiny bit easier each time I can pick it up and make the effort. So goes life. Whatever little steps we can take in the direction of fulfilling our plans & dreams, or correcting problematic areas – it prepares us for the next step, & the ones after – if we can just keep going…
    We must tell ourselves this is good enough – that we are enough – because we try, because we care….

  2. I like when you say “we are enough”. Absolutely right!! Thank U, M.

    I hope you feel better day by day and you can play your violin soon.

    Lately, I am suffering from insomnia. It will go away. I am positive. 🙂

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