Helpless and hopeful
My parents shall soon arrive to spend August and the early days of September. My first reaction to this news was panic and in a few seconds I became so tense that my neck and my back throbbed in agony. Ten minutes later, unbearable pain descended – leaving me unable to walk. I dislike their company and the mere mention of their names gives me the shivers. They are neither respectful nor clean people. While visiting, they keep both radio and television on the entire day. It becomes immensely difficult to focus on writing or reading with such noise in the background. They seem to fear silence. Could it be, that they are afraid of listening to their own thoughts, and simply resist being fully exposed to their own fears and frustrations? Nevertheless, the very reason for my rejection stems from their abuse and bad manners. I cannot prevent them from coming here since this house belongs to them and I have no other place to go. After weeks of dreadful anticipation, I am trying to see this visit in a different light. It is useless to suffer in advance, to outline the supposed horrors of our living together, to think about sleepless nights and gloomy shadows. What shall happen, I do not know, but at least I am rid of despair and have a new project in mind. Projects always bring hope, which gives strength and deepens my faith in life.