I am still sad and some days I am not strong enough to leave my bed. It is too complicated to live in this tiny studio where every little movement requires thought and organization. Just making my bed or doing the dishes makes me stressful. So far the laundry is the worst chore. There is neither clothesline nor dryer machine. Wet clothes are always around and the studio, even if cozy, seems messy. This chaos is extenuating and I do not know how to face it any more. I recently spent a long weekend in the USA, the tender Thanksgiving weekend. My days in Syosset were pretty intense, emotionally and physically. The trip was arranged in a rush and I could not understand some things at first. Now, back in Spain, I see this experience more clearly and I miss the lovely white house that sheltered my helplessness. I especially miss the kitchen, the family breakfast, the scent and the love. Every corner was full of love and sometimes the beauty was so overwhelming that I had to hold my tears. Family, despite imperfection as all human works, is about love, warmth and protection. Unlike my old home where violence was the day-to-day, nothing hurt me there, so I did not mind spending time in that lovely place instead of visiting the City. I am sure I will go back to the USA soon. Then I will enjoy NYC one more time and also Cape Cod. I know it for sure.


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